Just for laughs

(Act 8)



Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?

Because according to the advertisement, below 18 is not allowed to go
in.

Just for laughs

Act 7)



Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what
had happened to his ears and he answered," I was ironing a shirt and the
phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally
picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!"

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to the
other ear?"

Ah Beng: "That stupid fellow called back again loh!"

Just for laughs

(Act 6)

In the class. Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"

Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother"

Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"

Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother.

Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo.

So if they walk together, we can say they are 'Cow Pay Cow Boo'".

Just for laughs

(Act 5)

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. After a few attempts, he decided to use the 'Help' command. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer shop for support.

Ah Beng : "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me...."

Just for Laughs

(Act 4)



Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A
segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."

The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!"

Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"

Host : "Quiet please."

Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, I
don't need their help? I got more original answer. My answer is "Gu ni!"
(milk in Hokkien)

Just for laughs

(Act 3)

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend."

It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," Ah Beng said.

"FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long."

the friend asked.

Ah Beng replied, "No, it is not long at all, look at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years".

Just for laugh

(Act 2)

At a bar in New York, the man sat next to Ah Beng told the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."

and his companion said, "JACK DANIELS,SINGLE."

The bartender turned to Ah Beng and asked, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah Beng replied: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

Just for laugh!!!!

(Act 1)

Ah Beng calls the telephone operator:

Ah Beng: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?"

Operator: "Just a minute..."

Ah Beng: "Thank you."

Ah Beng got his answer and cut off the line.

The Fact...

A well-known speaker started off his seminar
by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you
but first, let me do this.
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and
the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or
what will happen, you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we
know,
but by WHO WE ARE.
You are special- Don't EVER forget it."
If you do not pass this on, you may never know the
lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to,
or the hope that it can bring.
Count your blessings, not your problems.
And remember: amateurs built the ark ...
professionals built the Titanic.
If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

Part 3: End of the night..... 1st type of ending.....

'Yes!' You're the killer, Usul!' shouted Lupe as he pointed at Usul.

'You're saying i killed him?' How is that possible? I was on the stage and he's here! What kind of magic did I use then?' Said Usul.

'Yes, you did use magic, one that is easy to pull off. Let me explain it to all of you. The plan started by giving the victim a dosage of pills, long enough to last until about ninep.m. You were probably chatting with him this morning and you somehow slipped him the sleeping pills. Once done, you went to the theatre to see that the gallery is ready to be used as the 'stage'. During the closing hours of the theatre, you went inside nad placed the victim on the gallery, still asleep. I ask the guard and he said that it is true that you have a duplicate key of the entrance to the theatre since you are like a family to them and you always drop by to practise sometimes,' explained Lupe.

'So what if I have a duplicate key? How would I pull off the murder?' argued Usul.

All the police officers started whispering to one another. Inspector Techno stood still, watching silently at the two 'performers'.

' Now comes the planning part. First, you lay the victim on his stomach and near the rails so that when he woke up he would automatically stand forward and facing the stage. Next, you placed sunglasses on him so that he would not be able to see clearly, thus confusing him so that he would not realise what his right hand was holding.'

'What?'


"The gun, of course. His right hand was tied around his body and his upper arm such that it was so tight the rope wouldn't slip. You used the sign's rope that was hung on the rails in the gallery. The hand was positioned towards the left direction and thus, the gun would point at his head. The hand wouldn't be able to move and so the gun would always be point the head. And then you pulled off the magic.'


'Hahaha! Don't make me laugh boy! Why would the victim pull the trigger even though he can't see clearly? Surely he won't agitate his hand so much.'


'He didn't. You forced him to. I found a long cable on the first floor leading to the gallery. The end was cut open. All you had to do was stick the end with a tape onto the right had. When the human body moves or does work, it requires energy. Think of energy as electricity. Every time the body moves, it needs electricity. In this case, electricity flowed into the hand and the shock produced a sudden jolt of the hand and fingers. The force was strong enough to pull on the trigger and fire. You're going to say, how was the elevtricity turned one? Simple. I remembered at one point there was something strange with your first song. So i checked your piano and found something. Under the pedal was a switch. The switch was connected to a socket. All ou had to do was press the pedal and so turned on the switch. That was why your song was a bit off. You couldn't pree the
pedal fully. Thanks to the darkness and the dim lightings, the cable and switch were safely hidden. And so the electricity flowed and the victim shot himself.'


Lupe glanced at Usul. She fell down to her knees and started to cry. Lupe wondered if what he did was right.


I hate you brother! I hate you! From now on, everywhere you go, people will suffer! People will die! You will meet mystery upon mystery! I curse you, brother!


Lupe moved a step backwards. The memory the remained a scar in his mind was painful to remember.


'He... he knew about my dark past. He knew that I was a a smuggler when I was a teenager. He wanted to blackmail me by asking money from me every month or else he would tell the media about my past. I... I was afraid. *sob* I just wanted to start afresh and lead a better life. I... I... tell me. Was I wrong to think so?'


'Maybe. Maybe not.' But murder itself is but a false path towards eternal pain, pain that would haunt you forever in your dreams and in reality. It is no excuse to take someone's life, to be the angel of death, just so you can live. I'm sorry Usul, I hope I can hear your songs again one day,' Lupe said as he walked away towards the first floor.


'Wha-? Ah, Lupe. Did you solve it?' asked Uni who was waking up from her deep sleep.


'It's been a long night. Let's go home, Uni.'

Murder of The Murderer

Part 1: Starting Tune

by _ghost_in_the_shell_


'Lupe! Over here!' shouted Uni as she waved at Lupe over. Lupe saw Uni wave and started slipping through the crowd towards her. They hugged each other than sat down on the chairs in the tenth row from the back. That night, Usul, the pianist most known for her elegance. was to perform her songs to almost four hundred people at the Faerieland Theatre.

The lights started to dim and soon the theatre darkened. The only bright spot was around the piano, located on the far right of the stage. Usul walked slowly towards the piano from the left side while waving at the audience. They, in turn, stood to clap and cheer.

'She looks as beautiful as ever. This is her twenty-fifth performance here. She must be really happy tonight,' commented Lupe. Usul sat, and the audience followed suit.
She began playing her songs. The first was the best of all, Wind Bloom. Like a black hole, the audience had no means of escaping Usul's enchanting music. Lupe noticed at one point, the length of the music was not long enough, Maybe she didn't press the pedal hard enough, thought Lupe.

Suddenly, there was a loud, long gunfire.

KYAA!!!
The audience was a state of disarray. Everyone was running everywhere. The guards tried to suppress the situation. Lupe looked towards the direction where the gunfire was heard. It was at the gallery that was out of bounds on that particular day, since it was used to hang boards and signs.

Sniper?

Lupe and Uni ran to the gallery to find out what had happened.
The police came ten minutes later. They inspected the gallery thoroughly. An Eyrie wearing sunglasses and white and blue clothes was lying on his back on the floor, dead. A hole could be seen on the right side of his head, above his ear.

The police found out the dead Eyrie's identity later. They searched his house and found a letter typed on the computer. In it, he described how he hated Usul and wanted to destroy her but he did not have the courage to do so.


'So, this is a sad case of self-destruct. Eyrie wanted to destroy Usul but didn't have the guts to. I pray he rests in peace,' said the head officer at the scene.

'Wait! This is not it. Eyrie is wearing sunglasses. Why would he wear sunglasses in this dark room? Even still, he can't possibly aim at Usul either! There's also a tape stuck on his right hand. It's a bit strange, don't you think? This is definitely a murder.'

'Who are you, kid?'

'Just a normal guy who happens to be Head Police King's son. Name's Lupe King.'

Part 2: And so it began

'So you're his son. Fine. You can walk around the scene, but you better not interrupt our work. You hear me?' said Inspector Techno. As Lupe and Uni walked towards the body, Lupe gave Inspector Techno his trademarked move, raising his right hand upwards through his hair while his thumb was up.

Lupe and Uni investigated the body first. Uni was always a good observer and she saw things the Lupe could not see. That, besides all her abilities, was one Lupe liked. Uni pointed out to Lupe about the tape and the rope markings on the body. Lupe stared at the tape and saw a wounded area underneath, like a burn mark. There was a dent around the hand, upper arm and body. It looked like a rope mark. Lupe smiled. Slowly pieces were being fit in the puzzle. But who could have done this murder?

'There were three people that entered the second floor. The first was the manager, Cybunny at eight a.m. He told me he wanted to make sure the decorations and signs were perfect and in place. The second was Usul at twelve. She wanted to view the signs to give her comments, as usual. The last was another guard at three. I’m a good friend of his. His name is Meerca. He checked the second floor to make sure everything was all right. Then, we closed the theatre fifteen minutes later and reopened it at seven for tonight's performance.' said the guard who stood at the stairs leading towards the second floor and the gallery.

So the victim could be at the gallery during the four-hour period or else someone might spot him. But how? Everything was locked. The guard said only the manager has the master key to the theatre. Hmm...

Lupe decided to ask the three of them if they knew about the victim.

'He's been to this theatre a lot of times to see Usul perform. And whenever he came, he would always make a commotion. One time he even shouted to Usul that she was really bad in music. He threw plastic cups at her and she left the stage that very instant. We had to force him out of the theatre. Most of the time, he littered the place with rubbish. I hated that man. He... he even laughed at the theatre, saying that a theatre that allows Usul to play is a poor, low quality theatre. Now that he's dead, I don't know if I should be happy or not,' said the manager in a low tone when confronted by Lupe in his office. The next suspect to interrogate; Usul herself.

'If you ask me, I'd rather rejoice than cry for his death. You know, I should thank the murderer for finishing him off. He's been a real pain for everyone. Or maybe he ended his own life? He's always been crazy and insane,' commented Usul.

'Of course I know that man! I've been his 'babysitter' for months now. Whenever he does bad things. I'd start forcing him out of the theatre. We've had lots of fights. Anyone who hates the theatre or Usul is my enemy,' said Meerca angrily to Lupe.

What's the meaning of this? It looks like almost everyone hates the victim. But those three are very suspicious. It looks like I'll have to obtain more evidence.

Lupe whispered to the guard to ask a question.

'How did you know that?' Only the staff knows about it. That person's like a family to us,' answered the guard.

Lupe knew he was close to the answer. That person did it. But how? He ran to the first floor to search for clues. Uni decided to sit and take a nap, thinking that she was not needed anymore. Besides, it was almost eleven, almost two hours had past since the incident. Everyone was forced to sit in the theatre to wait for further orders.

Lupe searched the far right of the first floor and found a long stretch of cable, with its ends right below the gallery and near the stage. The end below the gallery was forcefully cut open, probably by a knife or scissors.

Lupe grinned.

He searched the stage, looking for more answers. And then he remembered something. He searched the nearest rubbish bin and found the missing link. He ran back to the gallery.

'Gentlemen, I have found the answer. All the pieces now fit.
'Not you again. Hey kid, get lost! I know your father's really good at these things but we don't need someone. EVEN King's son, to interfere with our work,' shouted Inspector Techno.

Cocky as he was, it was only up to Lupe to solve the murder case.

this song represents my feelings NOW...........

I've lost my mind

Raz, dva posle pyati
Mama papa prosti
Ya so-shla s u-ma
Raz, dva posle pyati
Mama papa prosti
Ya so-shla s u-ma

Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma
Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona
Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma
Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona

YA SO-SHLA S U-MA

Menya polnostyu net
Absolyutno vser'ez
Situastsiya help
Situastsiya SOS

Ya sebya ne pojmu
Ty otkuda vzyalas
Pochemu, pochemu?
Na tebya povelas

Vyklyuchaestsya svet
Ya keuda - to lechu
Bez tebya menya net
Nichego ne khogu

Eto medlennyj yad
Eto svodit s uma
A oni govoryat - vinovata sama
A oni govoryat - vinovata sama

Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma
Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona
Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma
Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona

YA SO-SHLA S U-MA
MNE NU-ZHA 0-NAAAA

Bez tebya ya ne ya
Bez tebya menya net
A oni govoryat

Govoryat et bred

Eta solnechnye yad
Zolotye luchi
A oni govoryat
Nado srochno lechit

Ya khotela zabyt do upora I vniz
Ya schtala stolby I Rusteryannykh ptits
Bez tebya menya net, otpyasti otpyasti
Do ugla po stene mama-papa prosti...

Finally...........

YEA................. finally school had ended.....and i manage to go to my junior girls training..............its been a long time since i had any basketball training........i'm sure beat now.........

Btw i jus found out from my god sister that two of my friends dislike me, they say because they felt i m arrogant when playing basketball........ but honestly.... both of them did not even see me playing basketball at all...... they are not the sporty type..... and one of them is one of my close friends..... before i knew that, she acted as though she liked me... in fact she is using me just to borrow my comics and other things etc........ what a hypocrate bitch......... i felt utterly disappointed in her.....Jus got to keep a look out of both of those backstabbing hypocrates!!!

this isn't the first time that i was being used...... this 12 year frend of mine... bcos of a boy broke up wif me, putting our 12 years of frendship on the line...... in fact i dun really noe that guy... it was bcos i added him in frendster, my friend got jealous of it and accused me for wanting to steal the boy away from her.....she used vulgar languages to scold me, my family blah blah blah..... i tolrate that and did not even scold her back...... she said that she hates me, its shameful to have a frend like me, its a disgrace to be frend me and saying i wasn't perfect....Honestly who is perfect in this worl not even robots are perfect......i went home everyday feeling sad....

For one month, she has been torturing me... i remembered one day when i asked my sis what is the vulgar word that she used on me......my sis explained it to me..... and after that my sis can't take it anymore went down to the coffee shop to scold her saying...... when u (my frend) wanted to die, who was there for u? when ur parents are facing problems, who was there for u? when u dun have money for lunch, who shared half her lunch with u? when u dun hav money, who lend u money? And she said it was me.......my sis gave her a piece of her mind and went off together with me...... not long she wanted to be frends back...so i befrieneded her back....

But that makes me more cautious and make sure i keep a distance away from her and dun not get used by other people who claimed themselves as my friends.....

2nd D@y of School....

Back to school for the second day....and guess wat.....nothing has changed much but maybe for me grown a little fatter after the holidays....:P...... School today is.........B.O.R.I.N.G...... it has jus bored me to death...Mhuaaaaaaaa.... Luckily got four period od lessons in the Computer Lab......so i decided to write my blogspot, for i have not write or update my blogspot since the first time i have created it....*OPPS*.....Sorry :p...... *sigh* Got to Stay in school for the lame old boring in-focus that is until 4.35...... My school now so KAISU..... everyday have to stay back till 4.35 except Friday... but Saturday we have to be in school by 7.30 to have our mock exam till 12.00 or 12.30 in the afternoon.... they are surer out there to kill all the students by overloading us with these kind of arrangements...... wat can we do.... if we skip one lesson, we'll then have yo stay back for 4 hours, one hour everyday...... so can't even skip one lesson without a valid reason...... Wat Can I Say????? Got to study hard for my O's and can't Slack animore....... I'll write until here..... Byez

This is my first entry here!!!

This is the first time I'm using the blogspot so if there's any errors, please pardon me... I'll try to get it right asap.

Yuki